A couple of years ago I attended a send-off party for graduating Harvard students with my peers from a campus chorus group. I remember as I sat there, uncomfortable from having rested my elbows for too long on a bare wooden table, I looked on as young men and women sung each other praises about “holding down the fort” and keeping themselves sane through the rigor that we all imagine these sorts of schools to be. I remember rolling my eyes at the said-too-often “you’re going to change the world” and other sweet dandy things that threatened to give cavities if listened to for too long, but reminded me too much of what I’d heard growing up.

We like to be at the receiving end of pomp and praise, at least I know I do. And when you grow up believing that you’re destined for a life of greatness, which probably embodies some variation of rich and famous or world leader of some kind, you’re in for a major letdown when you realize that most people-- the smartest, most charismatic, and most faith-filled believers and unbelievers alike, will live quite ordinary lives that will probably not draw any applause from the world.

A counter-cultural life does not mean a Holy life

I was talking to a friend the other day about how our transitions into the “real world” have been since we left school. We spoke wistfully about the food-- the fact that there always seemed to be so much, too much of it. We heaved a collective sigh of relief because we no longer have to twist our tongues around impassioned activist jargon in an effort to appear “woke”. But mostly we begged each other for answers about how we’re supposed to be forces for change in our communities if most of our days are spent squinting at computer screens in over air-conditioned offices. We both wondered if this uneventful but ordinary existence is a test of how much we can endure or if it’s a challenge from God to step away from a life of comfort and security. The reality of the mundane lives we live stands in sharp contrast against the “radical” Christian lives we both imagined we’d be called to.

I think we both imagined that at some point we would see in a vision that we should shave our heads and move to a jungle in Papua New Guinea to share the gospel to nomadic peoples who’ve never heard it. However, it comes as a rude awakening that on most days, the most exciting thing that happens to me is successfully getting my unruly twist-out to mold itself against my palm. And that’s okay. The lives called to be spent on the frontiers of mission fields are few and far-in between. I’m not called to that right now but I’m called to be faithful to my present.

As I think about what it means to be faithful in this present season, here’s what God has been showing me:

Obedience: Keeping In Step With The Spirit

God delights in our obedience more than he does in our eagerness to sell everything to live a life of servitude to an unreached population. That’s a very comforting and freeing thing to know, but it also forces me to look at the topic of obedience more closely. It forces me to examine my own heart to see how well I’m obeying.

When I look at the specifics of Saul’s disobedience in 1 Samuel 15, I’m tempted to comfort myself with the thought that my disobedience won’t ever be as hefty as his. After all, the closest I come to thinking of myself as leading anyone is when I’m the first person in line for the mini procession to the communion table on Sundays. But as I examine my heart and find myself in conversation with faithful friends, I’m realizing that disobedience is often found in the passivity. The willingness to let dirt and grime accumulate and char our hearts into an unrecognizable dullness that can no longer reflect the light as God wants us to. It’s the willingness to look at unworthy things that numb our ability to discern as we should. So then walking in obedience means fighting to see as God wants me to. It means being serious about fighting sin and pursuing holiness. It means not allowing myself to coast in the name of “just resting”.

I’m realizing that at this stage in my life, living a life of radical obedience simply means entering numbers into spreadsheets and sending a copious amount of emails and resisting the urge to doodle on my notepad as I sit through meetings about topics I don’t understand. And so I ask God for a heart of gratitude-- to be reminded that the tedious tasks, the inconveniences, the desire to do more, are all gifts. And I pray against the lie that deceives me into thinking that I’m too important to sit through the drudgery of it all.

Fighting Pride

As I find myself being lifted into the air with lofty thoughts about how to live my life in a way that’ll leave a dent in the universe, I remind myself that my life is but a mist. As the adage goes, we’re here today and gone tomorrow. If I fall in love with the idea of making an impact so much and lose my love for God, it would have been for nothing.